Waiting has never been one of my strong suits. As the song says, "I want, what I want, and I want it now!" A kind of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory thing, only I don't want the world. I just want my commitments to be completed (over with) so I can focus on other things. Anyone out there ever do that? You agree to do a thing, then when it comes close to time to doing the thing, you slap that bumper sticker on your hiney, "I'd rather be [fill in the blank]ing".
It's truly horrible of me, I know! Trust me. So what does a trying-to-be-enlightened person do about her reticence to fulfill her obligations? Poke it! Prod it! Flip it!
OK so here goes. I dunnwanna do this presentation thing!
OK why?
[pouty faced] CUZ!
OK that didn't work. Let's try this. What are you feeeeeling when you think of doing this presentation?
Uhm...a little skeered I guess.
OK GOOD! We can work with that. Ok so what are you skeered of?
You mean other than being a complete idiot in front of several women I know and respect? Yeah, I guess there's being a complete idiot in front of the ones I don't know very well either.
Why would you think you would look like an idiot?
Not feeling prepared. Not feeling like I'm "feeling" the presentation yet (and it's in 3 days). Not feeling like I'll have enough time to get my shit together since I'm also preparing for my sister-in-law from Norway to come and visit (she arrives tomorrow night).
What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of doing the presentation?
It's beautiful.
Wait, what?
Huh...yeah. It's totally beautiful. The fear, the shuffling for readiness, the idea of being an idiot to a bunch of women I know (and don't know very well) and respect. Wow. What a cool opportunity to stop being in this comfort zoney kind of place. What a cool opportunity to let go of all that crap about being an idiot and being skeered. The wish to push it all away and get it over with is all some big psychological protection mechanism to avoid stretching out and reaching beyond what is comfy.
I guess what I should be saying is Perspective is a Virtue.
Yeah, beautiful.
Thanks doc.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
"The Past Does Not Dictate What Happens Now"
Monday nights have been a lot of fun since about 8 weeks ago when I started the course on the Artist's Way, facilitated by Vina Parmar (http://www.creativitynow.net/artistsway.htm). The point of the course is to break through what is blocking our creativity and reconnect to some form of Higher Power which enables us to let creativity flow through us. I think the best part of the whole course has been in meeting the beautiful women (hugs to all of them!), and realizing great strides in my reawakening creativity even though I haven't really been (ahem), you know...doing my homework (excuse me, Home-play). I know, story of my life!
There are these "daily pages" which we are supposed to write, in which we dump our brains in writing so we kind of start each day with a clean slate. I did that...once...sorta...in the 8 weeks of the class so far. I won't bore you with excuses, because they are all the typical ones about being too busy, too tired, blah blah blah. What I find fascinating is that even though I haven't been able to do even that, the course is helping me to really start to link-in to myself again. It's probably at least partially responsible for me starting this blog. You see, if I'm writing this blog, I'm doing my "daily pages"! YES! Total win. More incentive - nice.
How does all this fit in to the whole goal of Herbal mastery? It's like a perfect fit, that's how. If some one is creatively blocked, or unable to give themselves permission to even take a couple of hours per week that is just for themselves (AKA the artist date), how can one even comprehend a total career shift? A total lifestyle change? There's a total shift in consciousness that has to happen. If keeping on doing what I've been doing for the last 20 years was working, then I'd be happy as a clam with the ideal relationship, in the ideal environment, with the ideal job and all that stuff. Let me define ideal for you. It's not ideal as in western culture's idea of ideal, with the big house and movie star lifestyle. It the ideal of being completely happy with everything I have, and totally unconcerned with the things I don't have. That's ideal. And by the way, how happy -are- clams, anyway? I don't know that I've ever heard of a clam-whisperer that can tell us for sure, so I'll just hope that they are all completely blissed-out at all times.
Where was I? Ah yes, herbalism, consciousness shifting.... I know what I want for an ideal life. A life where I am an herbalist, and a yoga instructor, able to stay at home with my child and make an amazing life. That's pretty much what everyone wants (maybe minus the herbalism and yoga thing), but we tend to miss out on how to get there because we are so focused on the outcome. Tonight's class was about finding our Strength, with a capital SSSSS. Strength and courage. Powerful words. One really can't make the ideal life without them, can one? Courage is the ability to believe in yourself, and to take baby steps in the right direction no matter if people tell you that you're a fool, or you'll never make it, or "it's just a silly pipe-dream" (love the reference to opium dens in modern parlance).
Courage is also the ability to let go, which tonight's exercise was all about. Letting go can be the hardest thing in the world to do, and if you're asked to let go of something that you put something of yourself into...wow.
We made sand mandalas. Much effort of creative energy and love is put into making one of those, and then to have it all swept away!? Well, I learned that is part of the beauty. The very brevity of its existence, made it all the more beautiful. The fact that we were going to be un-doing what we had done gave many of us the freedom to just not care about the outcome as much as if it were a painting or drawing of permanence. We were able to -let go- of the outcome, and let the mandala be what it would be. This was so free-ing! I saw the light shine more clearly in some of the women. I felt it burning a little brighter in myself, and it was beautiful.
OK now this is where I get goosebumps because in addition to this class, I've been listening to Healing with the Masters online (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/), and also the WISH Summit (http://www.wishsummit.com/). In both cases, there have been some amazing speakers which really made my head spin and heart open, and in both cases, their specialty was in letting go. Perhaps I should listen very closely, eh? The first 2x4 in the forehead came with the lilting tones of the voice of Hale Dwoskin of the Sedona Method - He gave an example of how easy it can be to let go...:
Pick up an object and imagine that object is the embodiment of something that is holding you back, or otherwise no longer serving you in your life.
Hold onto that object tightly and feel how much effort it takes for you to hold onto it. Welcome whatever emotions or thoughts come up when you think about this thing. Now. Ask yourself the following questions:
"Could you let that go?"
"Would you let that go?"
"When will you let it go? ...Now" and let the object in your hand just drop.
Seems simple and maybe even floofy...but if you try it, you might be surprised. This is only the intro to the Method, and makes me very curious about what's inside the whole tamale.
The 2nd 2x4 came in the form of the amazing, stirring, and inspiring wisdom of Ms. Byron Katie. This lady is a wounded healer. She had a terrible life of depression and addictions and woke up one day asking some very profound questions, and it really woke her up (shout out to Vina and that cool song she played for us!)
Her toolbox asks us to start by identifying a painful feeling, like "he doesn't care about me". You then have to ask yourself 4 questions (taken from her website, http://www.thework.com/thework-4questions.php):
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then you turn the statement around, finding 3 genuine examples of how to turn it around.
Simple, powerful stuff that makes you really tune in to yourself, and go from someone who is just reacting to external stimuli all the time, to a person who is creating their own reality by taking the time to be in the moment and make choices about how they will deal in this world.
So I wanted to share some of that with anyone willing to read it all, because there's far too much knee-jerk reaction going on. I could go on for days about how it's running rampant in our political system, our news media, etc, but that would take me to places best left alone considering my current state of contentedness. I'm totally guilty of knee-jerkiness, but I dunnwanna do it anymore. I always get stuck with this idea that I have to bring the rest of the world along with me on this journey, and I'm always brutally disappointed. Perhaps that is the first thing I could work on letting go. I can share my journey with those who wish to be a part of it, without attachment to any desire for them to take a similar journey. I can do dat! I can stop using it as an excuse for jumping off track when the going gets tough. I'm going to need that courage to make that ideal life. But you can't stop me from wanting that deal life for everyone else too. :)
So with the bestest wishes and peace, sweet dreams everyone.
Namaste.
There are these "daily pages" which we are supposed to write, in which we dump our brains in writing so we kind of start each day with a clean slate. I did that...once...sorta...in the 8 weeks of the class so far. I won't bore you with excuses, because they are all the typical ones about being too busy, too tired, blah blah blah. What I find fascinating is that even though I haven't been able to do even that, the course is helping me to really start to link-in to myself again. It's probably at least partially responsible for me starting this blog. You see, if I'm writing this blog, I'm doing my "daily pages"! YES! Total win. More incentive - nice.
How does all this fit in to the whole goal of Herbal mastery? It's like a perfect fit, that's how. If some one is creatively blocked, or unable to give themselves permission to even take a couple of hours per week that is just for themselves (AKA the artist date), how can one even comprehend a total career shift? A total lifestyle change? There's a total shift in consciousness that has to happen. If keeping on doing what I've been doing for the last 20 years was working, then I'd be happy as a clam with the ideal relationship, in the ideal environment, with the ideal job and all that stuff. Let me define ideal for you. It's not ideal as in western culture's idea of ideal, with the big house and movie star lifestyle. It the ideal of being completely happy with everything I have, and totally unconcerned with the things I don't have. That's ideal. And by the way, how happy -are- clams, anyway? I don't know that I've ever heard of a clam-whisperer that can tell us for sure, so I'll just hope that they are all completely blissed-out at all times.
Where was I? Ah yes, herbalism, consciousness shifting.... I know what I want for an ideal life. A life where I am an herbalist, and a yoga instructor, able to stay at home with my child and make an amazing life. That's pretty much what everyone wants (maybe minus the herbalism and yoga thing), but we tend to miss out on how to get there because we are so focused on the outcome. Tonight's class was about finding our Strength, with a capital SSSSS. Strength and courage. Powerful words. One really can't make the ideal life without them, can one? Courage is the ability to believe in yourself, and to take baby steps in the right direction no matter if people tell you that you're a fool, or you'll never make it, or "it's just a silly pipe-dream" (love the reference to opium dens in modern parlance).
Courage is also the ability to let go, which tonight's exercise was all about. Letting go can be the hardest thing in the world to do, and if you're asked to let go of something that you put something of yourself into...wow.
We made sand mandalas. Much effort of creative energy and love is put into making one of those, and then to have it all swept away!? Well, I learned that is part of the beauty. The very brevity of its existence, made it all the more beautiful. The fact that we were going to be un-doing what we had done gave many of us the freedom to just not care about the outcome as much as if it were a painting or drawing of permanence. We were able to -let go- of the outcome, and let the mandala be what it would be. This was so free-ing! I saw the light shine more clearly in some of the women. I felt it burning a little brighter in myself, and it was beautiful.
OK now this is where I get goosebumps because in addition to this class, I've been listening to Healing with the Masters online (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/), and also the WISH Summit (http://www.wishsummit.com/). In both cases, there have been some amazing speakers which really made my head spin and heart open, and in both cases, their specialty was in letting go. Perhaps I should listen very closely, eh? The first 2x4 in the forehead came with the lilting tones of the voice of Hale Dwoskin of the Sedona Method - He gave an example of how easy it can be to let go...:
Pick up an object and imagine that object is the embodiment of something that is holding you back, or otherwise no longer serving you in your life.
Hold onto that object tightly and feel how much effort it takes for you to hold onto it. Welcome whatever emotions or thoughts come up when you think about this thing. Now. Ask yourself the following questions:
"Could you let that go?"
"Would you let that go?"
"When will you let it go? ...Now" and let the object in your hand just drop.
Seems simple and maybe even floofy...but if you try it, you might be surprised. This is only the intro to the Method, and makes me very curious about what's inside the whole tamale.
The 2nd 2x4 came in the form of the amazing, stirring, and inspiring wisdom of Ms. Byron Katie. This lady is a wounded healer. She had a terrible life of depression and addictions and woke up one day asking some very profound questions, and it really woke her up (shout out to Vina and that cool song she played for us!)
Her toolbox asks us to start by identifying a painful feeling, like "he doesn't care about me". You then have to ask yourself 4 questions (taken from her website, http://www.thework.com/thework-4questions.php):
Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it's true? How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?Then you turn the statement around, finding 3 genuine examples of how to turn it around.
Simple, powerful stuff that makes you really tune in to yourself, and go from someone who is just reacting to external stimuli all the time, to a person who is creating their own reality by taking the time to be in the moment and make choices about how they will deal in this world.
So I wanted to share some of that with anyone willing to read it all, because there's far too much knee-jerk reaction going on. I could go on for days about how it's running rampant in our political system, our news media, etc, but that would take me to places best left alone considering my current state of contentedness. I'm totally guilty of knee-jerkiness, but I dunnwanna do it anymore. I always get stuck with this idea that I have to bring the rest of the world along with me on this journey, and I'm always brutally disappointed. Perhaps that is the first thing I could work on letting go. I can share my journey with those who wish to be a part of it, without attachment to any desire for them to take a similar journey. I can do dat! I can stop using it as an excuse for jumping off track when the going gets tough. I'm going to need that courage to make that ideal life. But you can't stop me from wanting that deal life for everyone else too. :)
So with the bestest wishes and peace, sweet dreams everyone.
Namaste.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Welcome to a Healer's Journey!
I'm totally new to blogging, but I'm embarking on an exciting (for me) time of my life when I want to be able to keep myself honest, accountable, and on track. I have always loved working with herbs. Growing them, drying them, rummaging through books to find uses for them...but I never gave myself permission to do anything with that joyful expression.
Well, as a 40 year old, mother of a 2 1/2 year old, I finally have. It won't be easy. I work full time, I have a husband who likes a little attention now and again, a house that needs cleaning, and the aforementioned toddler that needs loving and nurturing takes up the vast majority - or to be honest - all - of my time. So it will be, indeed, an adventure.
I'm also supplementing this relationship with our green friends with studies in indigenous spirituality (commonly referred to as shamanism). There is spirit and energy in everything, and a healer knows that true healing must touch on all levels of reality for it to be complete. So I'm also devouring books by Dr. Hank Wesselman, Sandra Ingerman, John and Caitlin Matthews to name but a few. I will be involved in workshops with Dr. Hank in May 2011, and beyond I hope.
When all is said and done, I know this woman's mid-life-crisis will bring a malcontented office worker into her own power and joy. I'll be a positive inspiration to my daughter, instead of an inspiration about how -not- to live your life. I'll finally be truly me.
That's the dream...and if there's one thing I've always believed, anything IS possible.
I hope you enjoy the ride with me!
Green Blessings, my friends!
Well, as a 40 year old, mother of a 2 1/2 year old, I finally have. It won't be easy. I work full time, I have a husband who likes a little attention now and again, a house that needs cleaning, and the aforementioned toddler that needs loving and nurturing takes up the vast majority - or to be honest - all - of my time. So it will be, indeed, an adventure.
I'm also supplementing this relationship with our green friends with studies in indigenous spirituality (commonly referred to as shamanism). There is spirit and energy in everything, and a healer knows that true healing must touch on all levels of reality for it to be complete. So I'm also devouring books by Dr. Hank Wesselman, Sandra Ingerman, John and Caitlin Matthews to name but a few. I will be involved in workshops with Dr. Hank in May 2011, and beyond I hope.
When all is said and done, I know this woman's mid-life-crisis will bring a malcontented office worker into her own power and joy. I'll be a positive inspiration to my daughter, instead of an inspiration about how -not- to live your life. I'll finally be truly me.
That's the dream...and if there's one thing I've always believed, anything IS possible.
I hope you enjoy the ride with me!
Green Blessings, my friends!
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